Don't Mention It

Can you have an argument and still be friends?

Can you break or challenge some social/cultural rules, but still keep your relationship? These are some questions that we have talked about already, and most people agreed that they could do it. When we meet another person with very different cultural syndromes and communication styles, they seem strange to us, maybe rude or annoying, or maybe shocking. I hope that the knowledge from our class will help us to understand these differences and reconcile them together.

I have a story...

There was a student from Thailand that travelled to Canada to study for a year. He lived with a Canadian homestay family. Before he left for Canada, he worked very hard to learn about Canadian culture, and about how to be polite and impress people there. He wanted to impress his homestay parents so much. He was extremely polite. He said "please" and "thank you" for everything: "Thank you for dinner; Thank you for picking me up; Thank you for everything!" And every time the Thai student said "thank you," his host parents said back: "Don't mention it."

After a while, the Thai student started to become very quiet. He sat politely for dinner, but didn't speak much. They did many activities together, but the Thai boy followed politely and quietly, but rarely spoke. The Canadian family started to worry about him. He was so outgoing and talkative when he arrived, but after a couple of weeks, something was wrong.

Finally, the host mother asked him if there was a problem. The boy was upset. He finally expressed that he wanted to impress them and that he wanted to show his gratitude, but every time he tried to say "thank you," they always told him: "Don't mention it!"

He thought that he offended them by saying "thank you," but in fact, "Don't mention it" really means: "MENTION IT." This was the first time for him to know this.

Sometimes our cultural rules and language use come into conflict. We are often trying to be polite, but we are miscommunicating because of it. This will be important to think about with the Gladwell chapter.

Please share your own thoughts or experiences. Aj. M

"We learn what we have said from those who listen to our speaking." Kenneth Patton

What is your cultural syndrome?

I went jogging on Sunday during the cool day... and I got lost... jogging and jogging and jogging... through the farms and the small villages, and I felt very Other out there in the rural roads. People laughed and yelled out at me as I ran by. Clearly I understand it, but I hate to be Other sometimes. I'm quite shy in fact, and I wish that no one would notice me. It is the reality of life in another culture.

Last week we talked about Cultural Syndromes, and this week we will look at different kinds of non-verbal communication. I think we will discover that these two ideas are closely connected.

It is important not to stereotype. We may look at Cultural Syndromes and then easily say that some cultures are passive and others are active; some cultures are instrumental and others are expressive, and so on. It is important to keep clearly in our mind that not all individuals in any culture share exactly the same syndromes.

What are your cultural syndromes? How does it affect your communication with Others? These may be difficult questions to answer, but I wonder what you think about this. Aj. M

"Our life is never individual… it is endlessly enriched by the presence of the other, and consequently impoverished by his absence. Alone, we have no name and no face, no one to call out to us and no reflection in which to recognize our features." Alberto Manguel

Friday the 13th

This past Friday was the 13th. Some students are asking about the western superstition of this as a very unlucky day. It is not exactly clear where this comes from, but there are some ideas. 13 is an unlucky number. #12 is lucky... it means "completion" or "perfection." 12 months completes a year. 4 season, each 3 months, completes the cycle. 12 zodiac symbols and so on... so 13 is the next number, breaking the perfection of 12. If you visit a hotel or high office building in the west (or even a tall hotel in Bangkok for western tourist/clients), you will see that there is no #13 button on the elevator. There is no 13th floor (10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16...). Quite funny.

There is also the belief that bad things happen on Friday. It is the day that Jesus was crucified (killed). There are many events that seem to happen on Friday that makes people feel fear.

So, Friday the 13th is a day when people must be especially careful. I think there are many beliefs about numbers in Asian traditions also.

For my question this week:

Ascription: It is "a script" that our culture writes for us. We may feel comfortable with the script, and continue to perform it, or there may be parts of the script that we would like to adjust. I wonder about how ascription is a problem for your avowal. Or opposite: Is you avowal a problem for your ascription? Aj. M

"Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit." Jawaharlal Nehru

>sneeze!<... "God bless you!"

In the last blog comments, some students were wondering about when they were in America, people would say "bless you" when someone sneezed. It is a polite thing to say to someone when they have sneezed.

The belief comes from Christian belief. When you sneeze... what happens? It overwhelms your five senses: seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, tasting... When you sneeze, you close your eyes, you cannot hear anything else, you cannot smell, etc... So Christians believed that at the moment when you sneeze, your soul could escape your body (just for a moment), and it would be possible for the devil to catch it. So... people say "bless you!" to protect your soul when it escaped while you sneezed. This is where this custom comes from, but I don't think many people actually know this anymore. Now it is just a polite thing to say.

If you have other interesting stories like this to share, please do.

I have a question for the blog this week. How far does someone need to travel to be a foreigner? Do you need to travel abroad? Is it possible to be a foreigner in your own hometown?

Thanks for your comments. This is a great start! Aj. M

"Preservation of one's own culture does not require contempt or disrespect for other cultures." Cesar Chavez

Welcome to CCC, 2009-10 Edition

I am looking forward to learning with you about culture and communication. I hope that we can use this blog to share our ideas about identity and places and people... to better understand not only who we are, but also why we are who we are.

What we share here will help our conversations in class, and will allow us to continue the discussions after. If you're not comfortable to talk in class, I hope that the blog will be a good alternative for you to reveal your ideas and participate. Everyone's voice is important here.

Good luck to you in the semester. Enjoy the course. Aj. M

"A culture is made - or destroyed - by its articulate voices." Ayn Rand